to despair and back

my latest post on Instagram

portrait of a beautiful woman in a white dress standing at the beach in front of a forest holding a shaman drum
Raphaela Gilla 🙏

I was down and paralyzed. The buzzing of the media and the noise of my own thoughts had made me feel anxious. 
As I returned from a trip to the Baltic Sea I began to reconnect to my inner being again. 
To gain inner clarity wasn’t a straightforward process 
But making my demons go away was such an empowering moment  

here is what happened:

it was the 11th anniversary of our marriage – Raphaela and I took a trip to the Baltic Sea for the weekend. I’ was to Sellin on Rügen a year ago and wanted to visit this place again with her to show her the beautiful resort architecture and nature reserve nearby. A mystic forest. We had a beautiful weekend but something dragged me down. Something pushed a trigger in me that made me despair, feel small and unworthy. 
I was thinking about my future and that I will never make it because I don’t have what it takes to be a freelance photographer and coach. 

On our way back to Berlin I read Winning Without Pitching by Blair Enns and Marketing for Photographers Guide by Smug Mug. Slowly I regained my confidence. 
I thought about how I want to position myself as a photographer, what do I have to offer and why am I doing this. 
This led to some new Ideas how to present myself on my website, I was taking notes what I want to change I was researching about SEO and I I can improve that. 
I came up with solutions that felt in alignment with my nature and core beliefs. I am not sure what caused this change in how I felt but it was a great experience that I could be the captain of my destiny again. 

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